Calvinball!!

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play now!

You've heard of "calvinball" before... you've always wanted to play, but never had the chance.. well, because this is an insaner world, and I make up the rules here as I go, here's your chance! If you don't know how to play though, make sure to read the rules, watch the others and learn from them!!

If there is enough interest, I will eventually implement a login for those who wish, in order to keep track of stats and stuff (if you would like such a feature, make your "action" say "logs in!")... but for now, lets just see how well it's received..

READ THIS FIRST:

how to play calvinball at an insaner world

Here's a short explanation of how to get the most out of your text-based calvinball experience at "an insaner world"..

1. First, you fill in your name, in the box there where you see the text "your name"
2. Choose your "calvatar" from the selection (hovering over each small image shows you a preview on the left).
3. Next, select the type of "action" you want to "do" in the game, you can declare a new rule, use the flag in some way, declare the score, or perform any other sort of action. New rules and scores are automatically prepended with the appropriate text, so all you have to do is state the rule or score (yes, convenient!).
4. Type in the "action" you want to perform in the game in the textbox.
5. Finally, type in the "magic" word in the box and click "play!".

So, if, for example, you wanted to declare a new rule for the game, you would enter your name in the first box, choose your calvatar, select "new rule" from the options and then type your rule, for example: "everyone not playing calvinball must dance a jig!" (see? no need to write "NEW RULE!")

Be sure to also read the calvin and hobbes unofficial official rules of calvinball before you play. Let the game begin!!

play!

your name:
action: flag new rule! score
type "calvinball" here:

the game so far..

recommended for you

	JRB
	the score is now: The score is nose bleed to trousers! Woop!
	JRB
	I Will Smite You!
	A Momento To Calvin-Girl
	NEW RULE!! Should the legend calvin-girl ever rejoin this game, she must declare herself to be the original or be deducted 19 gumballs.
	A Momento To Calvin-Girl
	All players must stop and pay homage to the true master of online calvinball, calvin-girl, found in the old archives of the game.
	LOGIN WANTED
	WE WANT ACCOUNTS!
	Suzy
	NEW RULE!! I turn the All Girls Zone into a freeze zone. Anyone caught in the Freeze zone can't move unless touched with the babysitter's flag.
	rat
	run to attack all girls zone
	Axel
	I win.
	mickey
	Because of the rule that disrespect must be punished, you must now wear the Cone of Shame.
	greengold
	I yell profanities at Mickey, earning myself the Flag of Disrespect.
	mickey
	I touch zach with the Freeze Flag and steal the calvinball. Ice Cube points to me!
	mickey
	I touch zach with the Freeze Flag and steal the calvinball. Ice Cube points to me!
	greengold
	NEW RULE!! Any disrespect toward other players will result in immediate wearing of the cone of shame.
	Zack
	NEW RULE!! The person holding the Calvinball must do a handstand for 10 seconds
	qwerty
	/-kill_others0_=21132463
	qwerty
	NEW RULE!! I win
	eh
	uhmm idk
	calvintest
	throw the flag
	juan
	jump the fence
	Eric
	drive a car
	Brayden
	the score is now: 27-1
	powerguy9876
	Got enemy flag
	powerguy9876
	NEW RULE!! Hop until someone finds the bonus box
	powerguy9876
	Got flag
	powerguy9876
	NEW RULE!! Must hop until someone finds the boys box
	s
	to fight a person
	thomas
	NEW RULE!! You have to say dog every 3 seconds.
	yf
	Jump up into the air
	hahaha
	kick a ball
	Teddy
	NEW RULE!! each player drink beer before playing
	vivek
	run and catch the ball
	Hobbsies
	NEW RULE!! Having the flag results in not having the flag
	cs440
	run forwards
	jalen
	jump over a rainbow and find a pot of gold
	bob
	eat a donut
	Qwertyopesderaxcinm
	Logs in!
	Bit
	NEW RULE!! No deleting existing rules!
	Bit
	Pixel is now back in the game. Qwertyopesderaxcinm loses all Q's and has -7393618461837 12's.
	Manski
	NEW RULE!! slap the next person you see in the face with a sandwich for +2 explosion emojis to your score
	Manski
	plant the flag in the most disrespectful place to the other team or lose t^-2 points
	Manski
	logs in
	m
	the score is now: WOSSAMOTTA U to SUCC to SPAGHET to TIDEPODS to ROCKY
	Rocket J. Squirrel
	Bullwinkle and I have activated the WARD flag! Most of you have got 60 seconds to touch it and the spaghet next to it. If you don't, then we won't hurt you, but instead you'll just have to write our names on the whiteboard. Place of Flying Lessons: Cedar Yorpantz Flying School. Maybe someone lodged a jetpack down my body.
	Gark
	garkety gark gark
	Merp
	I activate the EXPLOSION flag! Everyone has 15 seconds to touch it or else they will explode and are out of the game!
	Calvin
	NEW RULE!! shooting at many players.
	Query.not.found
	NEW RULE!! You must hit the person nearest to you with a sandwich. Anyone who does not have their sandwich must immediately move ten feet to the right or fit through one of the wickets.
	E
	the score is now: E to 1,0002,0202
	Yee
	I eat a ham sandwich while flying at lightspeed
	E
	NEW RULE!! Everyone playing except the one with the ball must do a headstand every 5 seconds!
	S U C C
	NEW RULE!! all rules removed
	Ugandan Knuckles
	NEW RULE!! Spit on the non-believers (losers) and tell them they don't know de wey. If anyone is offended, then ignore this icon.
	jen
	running away from dogs
	Susie
	You have to hide the flag and other opponents try to steal it.
	syncophant
	NEW RULE!! dump gatorade on the losers head every time they score!
	qwertyopesderaxcinm
	I touch the anti-Pixel pole. Pixel is out of the game.
	A cat
	A cat appears.
	Moe
	Moe says: "HI!!!"
	qwertyopesderaxcinm
	NEW RULE!! Pixel's rule has been removed!
	010101
	I activate the MONEYYYYYYY flag, and earn 100$.
	Klinkou
	the score is now: LOL - OMG
	HHF
	I touch all the wickets in order. I get 10 points.
	HHF
	I touch all the wickets in order. I get 10 points.
	Pixel
	NEW RULE!! qwertyopesderaxcinm cannot move if he has 1 or more Q's!
	Announcer
	the score is now: MJ-078 to DY-476
	qwertyopesderaxcinm
	the score is now: Yes to no
	Star
	NEW RULE!! If your shirt is purple, you lose one Q!
	10
	the score is now: B - 13
	K
	I run around the orange pole, thus earning myself 12 Q's.
	Bob
	NEW RULE!! All players must suddenly quack like a duck when a ball is in the air or in the no song zone
	your mom
	The Mom Flag was invoked. Any players with the Slow Motion effect may now move at full speed. All cats must be hunted down and petted for a total of PURR Points for every cat caught.
	patrick henry
	I shoot you with the Nerf Dart of Slowing. You now have to move in slow motion until you pass the Blue Zone and attain the Paradigm Pinecone.
	Greengold
	the score is now: zzzz to 37 Giraffes
	Greengold
	I score, slam my head against the wall, and pass out. I am awarded extra points for sleeping during a game.
	Greengold
	I score, slam my head against the wall, and pass out. I am awarded extra points for sleeping during a game.
	Greengold
	I score, slam my head against the wall, and pass out. I am awarded extra points for sleeping during a game.
	we want to play calvinball
	NEW RULE!! everytime you make a goal, slam your head against the wall 6 times
	Greengold
	Catches the flag, and dunks it into the VERY real swimming pool. Orange points to me!
	patrick johns
	throw the flag
	patrick johns
	on wicket five, jump around
	clover
	throw flag
	Blatant Lies
	NEW RULE!! There is a swimming pool. Ignore all evidence to the contrary.
	Greengold
	pidgeon jumps over wicket 400 instead of 40. He has to go sit in the box of shame
	Pigeon
	NEW RULE!! Freeze everything except self if or 10 seconds if you jump ove wicket 40
	Greengold
	NEW RULE!! anyone wearing a hat has to pay lots of fun points.
	yay
	eating potatoes with bread
	Ethan
	I have to steel the other persons flag!
	Bob
	the score is now: MAX_INT
	hey
	the score is now: 100
	sree
	play dota
	jax
	NEW RULE!! no hat
	A
	Take a Drink
	Jonathan
	runs through the "no song" zone and into the "no-calvin" sector.
	doodle
	do a wiggle
	faggot
	die to the die to die to the die
	Jimmy neutron
	the score is now: Jimmy to neutron
	Linz
	the score is now: 75
	Greengold
	the score is now: 2 Giraffes - Cactus
	Greengold
	As your hatred grows, your score grows as well.
	betterave
	My hatred for myself slowly grows
	mickey
	but because you stepped in a Trap Zone you have to sit in the Box of Unending Shame.
	Julie
	I steal the Prison Flag and am awarded a Get Out of Jail Free card.
	mickey
	NEW RULE!! All stupid war related rules are now punishable by 300000 electric pushups.
	Bill
	NEW GAME!!!!!!! I WIN!!!!!!! Hi Mickey
	becky
	A butterfly! All players must take a break from the game and try to catch it. I call a Butterfly Break!
	Griffen
	I send a nuke. Btw hi ben
	Greengold
	A hedgehog touched Stupendous Man with the Arkansas flag. Stupendous Man is now out of the game due to germs.
	Vanir
	NEW RULE!! And because a team has reached 25, all players must switch sides.
	Vanir
	the score is now: ctrl to 25
	Vanir
	I touch the largest sunflower and am awarded cactus points. All other players have to run 4 triangles around the nearest radish while singing the stupendous man song.
	billy
	the score is now: flump to -k
	billy
	NEW RULE!! while holding your nose, you sneeze and blow your shoes off. M1/2 points to all other players.
	billy
	NEW RULE!! while holding your nose, you sneeze and blow your shoes off. M1/2 points to all other players.
	mickey
	but because i held my nose, the zone is invalid and you must sing the im so sorry song
	sumtin
	i put down a no song zone
	spiff
	i duplicate the flag (rip it in half).
	other guy
	the score is now: 54367367.goddls to 5.gugye
	Stupendous man
	NEW RULE!! time wickets double your score
	magic
	do magic
	Ajit Pai
	the score is now: 43
	amira
	hop around while playing tennis
	Nivlac
	I kick the ball into a tree, the next person has to run around a tree before they continue playing!
	calvin
	the score is now: 14 to 76teen
	awesome
	NEW RULE!! if you touch calvin shout I'm better than calvin 14 times
	Calvin
	Run Fast
	Notker
	notker resets the server. Games ends for everyone.
	Notker
	notker runs
	Also An Idiot
	NEW RULE!! NEW RULE!!! Anybody in the "no-calvin" sector gets three points!
	An Idiot
	the score is now: The score is now Oogy to Boogy!
	susie
	Ok here you go!
	calvin
	This is a poem do what you are told dump this water over my head and do it A.S.A.P
	susie
	Oh look here comes calvin.
	hobbes
	the score is now: still Q to 12!
	calvin
	Fine but I'm in the no song zone
	Hobbes
	But i hit you with the calvinball so put the flag back
	calvin
	I stole the flag!
	mickey
	I protest idiocy. Points awarded to anyone who isnt an idiot.
	mickey
	I protest idiocy. Points awarded to anyone who isnt an idiot.
	AName
	Roll a dice
	Calv
	NEW RULE!! Only 10 rules allowed
	insaner_poser
	the score is now: 0 to susie. I AM IN THE NO SUSIE ZONE
	Calvin
	BOB STOLE PENALTY FLAG. 500,000,000 Qs and 12s SUBTRACTED!
	calvin
	NEW RULE!! There are no rules. Everyone can play freely.
	calvin
	THE SCORE is still Q to 12!
	calvin
	the score is now: oogy to boogy
	calvin
	the score is now: oogy to boogy
	Mark
	the score is now: foo to 45
	calvin
	NEW RULE!! No rules.
	Calvin
	the score is now: Sally Brown to Sanic
	Calvin
	He finds a potty
	Calvin
	NEW RULE!! Anyone who has used the potty loses points.
	Adolf
	Adolf burns the jews
	Adolf
	Adolf kills everyone
	Adolf
	Adolf takes the flag
	Batman
	I blast myself
	Donald Duck
	Space Man Spiff calls hacks and blasts you into another game.
	mickey
	NEW GAME!!!!!!
	mickey
	the paradox causes a rip in the space time continuem ending the game.
	Batman
	the score is now: reff to good calls
	Batman
	I stab him
	mickey
	you break out right into a guard's fist.
	Batman
	I bribe him i brake out
	mickey
	But you ran through the no fly zone so you get deported to the eternal time out zone.
	Batman
	I score now i run three octagons around the nearest orange eggplant.
	Batman
	i fly
	mickey
	NEW RULE!! The next person who score has to run three octagons around the nearest orange eggplant.
	Donald Duck
	the score is now: Female To TURTLE DOVES
	Ainsley
	the score is now: coffee to latte
	Bo
	NEW RULE!! Go to mangos and run in triangles
	Donald Duck
	NEW RULE!! Anyone whose name was at some point a planet Has to stop playing unless they can make it to the fortress of solitude in 20 seconds.
	Batman
	! I had a lunch meeting with superman and he lasered Mikey he is out of the game.
	Batman
	NEW RULE!! I had a lunch meeting with superman and he lasered Mikey he is out of the game.
	mickey
	All players are instantly engulfed in a cloud of birds thinking you are a worm. Pluto is out of the game for a hospital trip.
	pluto
	NEW RULE!! You have to move like a worm
	mickey
	I wave the Rolling Rodent Flag. Everyone must roll on the ground to move.
	pluto
	NEW RULE!! no rules
	pluto
	the score is now: to square
	pluto
	the score is now: pineapple
	pluto
	NEW RULE!! if you say pop make a 5 page essay to why you say pop
	mickey
	NEW RULE!! Unless you are a Northern Overlord, in which case you MUST say pop.
	pluto
	NEW RULE!! All player must say soda instead of pop
	mickey
	NEW RULE!! The first person to get the orange flag up to the top of the paradigm tree will be awarded the Golden Mallet
	Donald Duck
	NEW RULE!! Only crab walk through the no stupid rules zone
	pluto
	NEW RULE!! All players put a garbege bin over their head.
	mickey
	NEW RULE!! All players must wear a beanbag chair hat.
	mickey
	NEW RULE!! No STUPID rules. Im talking to you h.
	h
	wat wat in the butt
	fghf
	fghf lol
	aahu
	Play golf with the president
	Harbz
	the score is now: pants to muttonchops
	hobbes.
	NEW RULE!! all players must punch themselves on the head before playing
	abhi
	fight to the death
	bob
	the score is now: UMP - Bump
	bob
	You stole the PENALTY FLAG! 50,000 Q's subracted from your score.
	bob the blob
	steel flag
	bob
	the score is now: Turtles to ∆
	bob
	Passing through the aromatic score zone, I SCORE!!
	bob
	Olli-wolli polly-woggy ump bump fizz! I steal your flag!
	bob
	NEW RULE!! Rebels are allowed.
	Matthew
	NEW RULE!! No rule can inflict pain on anyone.
	bob
	The hobby horse trips and is hobbled, crippled, lame. It can't walk.
	Calvin
	I run to the Bonus Box and grab the hobby horse!
	Rosalyn
	the score is now: Well, you know I have the Calvinball! I award myself 50 points.
	Goomba Shoe
	I leap over sector 12, and push you into the The "Pernicious Poem Place"!
	bob
	NEW RULE!! you must if in sector 12 sing a song
	bob
	run around
	bob
	I hop in a wheelbarrow and take off down the field with the triple-goal-ball.
	bob
	but you are in the no taco zone, so the score is 0 to 0
	Sara
	the score is now: 0 to taco
	bob
	NEW RULE!! New Game
	bob
	NEW RULE!! All players must run backwards and tackle the calvinball in the You Must Be Airborne to Enter This Zone ZOne.
	bob
	I declare a new game. All scores reset to nil and the field is rebuilt.
	bob
	NEW RULE!! Getting a ghost-snowman third baseman home while singing the Calvinball national anthem will award you 6 billion points.
	bob
	the score is now: nick to cranny
	bob
	andrew eats too much pizza. he lands in the Puke zone and is confined there until he stopps puking.
	Andrew
	NEW RULE!! you must eat pizza
	Someone
	NEW RULE!! The old ball is now invalid and has been replaced with a rubber ducky.
	bob
	bully flag: all nerds must be punched.
	bob
	Bob runs and steals the flag.
	bob
	the score is now: Cactus-purple
	bob
	NEW RULE!! You can only dribble a football on concrete with your nose.
	Matthew
	NEW RULE!! You cannot hide in a box.
	everyone
	the score is now: 11 to 11
	John Cena
	NEW RULE!! No More Rules
	dax
	NEW RULE!! no peeing
	moggy oggy
	take and jump on pogo stick
	kol
	the score is now: oggy to logy
	Bo
	the score is now: 11 to Q
	Stupendous Man
	NEW RULE!! No one is allowed to do anything without stupendous man's permission
	Stupendous man
	the score is now: 87 to Cheeseburger
	Scout!
	the score is now: 7 to -z
	Scout!
	he'd throw a dodge ball at benson
	Scout!
	NEW RULE!! Every time someone dodges a dodge ball he has to get himself dizzy and keep going!
	calvin
	the score is now: z to 77777
	calv
	NEW RULE!! all tigers on two legs must dance a jig
	calv
	NEW RULE!! all tigers on two legs must dance a jig
	benson
	the score is now: 50
	simon
	the flag that you try and capture and bring to your side making you score
	Dean
	the score is now: All players must type in reverse
	moeman
	jump when you hit the thirty yard wicket!
	Calvin
	NEW RULE!! hop on one foot when you reach the 12 yard wicket
	Christopher
	Steal the flag of the opponent
	XL dirty diaper
	NEW RULE!! Only I can make new rules
	XL dirty diaper
	You are my zombie slave
	XL dirty diaper
	the score is now: 🍩 to 🍪
	test
	sing the anthem from san marino
	Mom
	NEW RULE!! WHO GOES TO BED FIRST GETS ONE MILLION BILLION TRILLION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
	Hobbes
	the score is now: Q to 12
	qwertyuiop
	the score is now: Toody to boogey
	Zoe
	NEW RULE!! When you touch the 12th post with the calvinball the other player must close their eyes!
	xXxCalvinxXx
	I AM AWESOME!
	xXxCalvinxXx
	the score is now: xXxCalvinxXx name to lollipops
	xXxCalvinxXx
	NEW RULE!! Use Duplicators
	xXxCalvinxXx
	use a duplicator
	Kirk
	the score is now: Oogy to YU
	Hobbes
	NEW RULE!! All players must hop on one foot while holding a flag
	ben1
	NEW RULE!! anybody without the name ben1 has to crawl
	bob
	NEW RULE!! lose a point if you gain a point
	CoolDownCheater
	NEW RULE!! Anyone standing Near Ben Must Sing The PLayerPain Song!
	UR MOMMY
	I LIKE THE PUSSY AND DICK
	Ben
	NEW RULE!! Any one not named ben has to hop on one foot
	Blaine
	Throw Ball
	calvin
	rapes hobbes
	derpys
	NEW RULE!! you cant touch the tree
	kolby
	NEW RULE!! you have to hope to win to win
	I love wanking and fucking
	NEW RULE!! Everyone must now masturbate
	you guys are all bitches
	I fuck everyone in sight
	fuck
	the score is now: 3ninersubmarine
	kkkkkkkkkkk
	the score is now: 200000000
	Max
	the score is now: Omega to Q3A
	The Calvinball
	the score is now: Seventy-twelve to M and a half.
	Alejandro
	NEW RULE!! Everyone must give me 1 dollar.
	Susie
	Aaaaaaaahh!!! AH ThHUMP!
	Hobbes
	Not if I get you first! Arrrggghhh!
	Stupendous man AKA calvin
	Prepare to be stupended!
	Stupendous man AKA calvin
	All players must bow down to me and pass over their flags!
	Vanessa
	NEW RULE!! You have to spin around 50 times if you betray me
	Susie Derkins
	NEW RULE!! People with spiky hair have to hug Mr. Bun!
	bryson
	NEW RULE!! all players must hop on there noses
	Nyanko
	AIO-JUMP!
	brad
	the score is now: q to 12
	Mitch
	I take the flag and eat it
	arhenius
	Go to bed
	Finley
	steal flag
	Finley
	Stealing Flags
	Rowan
	punch Hobbes
	Harmohit
	the score is now: 11
	mmm
	run to first base
	Jillian
	the score is now: Q-12
	zeal
	NEW RULE!! Sigh on people's face when they speak!!
	devyani
	Kick and jump
	Natsu_Dragneel
	NEW RULE!! You have to hop on 1 foot when you reach the "no song zone.
	Paul
	Make it past the fifth wicket.
	hobbes
	flag play
	hmmm
	YOU DIDN'T TOUCH THE PARTY PLACE. DO 300 PUSHUPS!
	JP
	the score is now: 42 to pi
	joe
	roll a dice
	zdgsdgsx
	the score is now: dgdgd
	Ana
	Vreau acasa la mine
	Scott
	NEW RULE!! Whenever someone says something pirate-y, that someone must stop what they're doing and touch their toes!
	marius
	NEW RULE!! jump 360`s whenever someone laughs
	Tobias
	NEW RULE!! every player except me has to do 10 pushups immediately.
	bob
	the score is now: O
	calvinman
	runs from one corner of the universe to the other..
	troll man
	the score is now: vamos z a 8000
	ooooo
	capturo la badera
	troll man
	La bandera vale 8000 puntos
	troll man
	the score is now: vamos z a 146763345233
	troll man
	NEW RULE!! TODOS DEBEN ESCRIBIR SOLO EN MAYUSCULAS
	sarah
	play with calvin
	sarah
	play with calvin
	Boo
	throw ball
	chewy
	NEW RULE!! no one else can declare a new rule!
	kim
	I love calvinball!!
	hobbes
	i wanna play in action.
	calvin
	12 34
	calvin
	kick butt
	ZombieMom
	NEW RULE!! Monday is triple points!
	Coyote
	NEW RULE!! Poetry corner is now out of bounds
	insaner
	the score is now: 20 billion points for everyone.
	andrew
	capturing it
	Kitty
	The Tutu Flag of Doom!
	amtm
	the score is now: 3 chocolate eclairs Ha ha!
	amtm
	AND EVERY ONE WAS A HENRY. HENRY! ....oh! Look what I found in my pocket! *throws a water balloon at fort*
	fort
	Someone bring me a water balloon, quick!
	fort
	(SHE'S BEEN MARRIED SEVEN TIMES BEFORE)
	fort
	the score is now: 8
	amtm
	I'M KING HENRY THE EIGHTH, I AM, HENRY THE EIGHTH, I AM, I AM I GOT MARRIED TO THE WIDOW NEXT DOOR. SHE'S..
	dug
	Grabs the water balloon and runs away
	amtm
	NEW RULE!! Everyone who doesn't currently have a water ballon in their hands must climb inside the bathrub and sing "I'm King Henry the 8th" until a player with a water balloon happens by..
	dward
	score point by hitting ball with ping pong paddle
	Biz
	the score is now: 100
	Zigmog
	throw ball into tree branches
	CT
	drop the ball
	Diana
	go fishing
	DAVID
	NEW RULE!! everyone who does not play calvinball will fart
	David
	lava melts people
	miaow
	NEW RULE!! pound the living daylights out of your computer
	miaow
	throw water balloons at everyone except sean and dad
	sean
	the score is now: poop and pee
	dad
	yell at your son
	sean
	donate both kidneys wait 5 secs die
	gaby
	the score is now: jiggler to figgler
	Hobbes
	NEW RULE!! pounce on your boss
	surabhi
	make eggplant faces
	Jim
	NEW RULE!! Hop on one foot
	Michal
	Explode the pelvis of Courtney Love
	calv
	run like a maniac
	mf
	the score is now: Me 1, You 0
	oli
	double rackets for double points
	boogy
	NEW RULE!! Who ever "smelt it, dealt it"
	sam
	enables anyone to go to penalty zone
	oogy
	hit a watermelon with a tennis racket
	moe joe
	beats everyone up.. and takes their lunch money
	Captain Calvin
	flag of freezing, all players who's name doesn't start with Captain of have the calvinball must freeze like a statue.
	Elia
	the score is now: 5 for elia
	insaner
	the score is now: 5points to everyone EXCEPT elia!
	Elia
	hit
	insaner
	let the new calvinball begin!!