Back in 2000, I moved with my dad back to the land of my birth. I had converted to evangelical christianity when I was 12, from Roman Catholicism, and therefore I was pretty comfortable thinking myself saved. For those who knew me back then, the difference between me and the world was nothing more than a label. I lived like the world lived, with the only difference that I had a bible and called myself a christian. However, this label I had given myself caused a lot of friction between my father, a non-christian, and me.
In September of 2001, the Lord decided I needed a wake up call. So He killed me. On the 6th of the month, I came to the end of the road and realized my days were up. I had reached the end of the road. What little I knew of the Gospel came out in a calm prayer of delivery. My life now belonged to God, if He wanted me to live, I would live; if He wanted me to die, I would die. By Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, I knew my sins were forgiven.
That was almost 8 years ago, and I remember not really knowing what had actually happened. At least not the spiritual implications. It was not a simple prayer that saved me, this was the result of a supernatural conversion. I was no longer a goat, I was one of God's beloved, useless sheep now. One through whom He would show His might and greatness in changing his whole life around, one small step at a time. I remember seeing inexplicable changes in my life within a week of this event... things outside of my control.
Ironically, after almost a lifetime of self-destructive manic depression, with my first suicide attempt at the age of 10, it was God who had to kill me to bring me to life. I had been the walking dead, and it manifested in almost every aspect of my life and person.
The christian walk has taught me several important lessons. The bible is the inerrant Word of God, the double edged sword that separates the truth from everything else, that separates what is holy from what is profane... and most importantly, the confrontation of self. It is how I today know that I was not saved until God granted me repentance, and not as a result of a prayer, or of switching religious affiliation, but of God's mighty hand ripping through my life.
God saved me for His infinite glory, and this not of myself, that I may not have anything to boast of. God saw nothing in me to deem me worth saving, but when I called upon Him in my day of trouble, He was faithful even when I had never been, and He saved me.
Today, I live the struggle of walking the narrow path, everyday being a challenge to honor God in every decision I make, every action I take, and the hardest of all: every word that comes out of my mouth.
All the glory be to my only Lord, sufficient Savior, and mighty God, Jesus Christ, the lamb who takes away the sin of the world and the only begotten Son of the living God.